I JUST want to marry a beautiful, vibrant, eccentric, intelligent, warm, caring, and undefinably amazing woman.

Is that SO MUCH to ask?????

ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wandered around downtown Cairo, loitered on the corner of Sheikh Rihan and Qasr al-Aini, reclined on some steps overlooking the intersection, empty save for a scattering of cars and the late night traffic cop at his post, waving cars through in purely symbolic gestures.

two things occurred to me:

every moment of my continued existence, and time's indiscriminate irreverence, were an atrocity committed against grief


the breeze, which occasionally worked itself up into a wind, was murderous.

the woman I spend most of my life with will have to be amazing.
less so because of what I want in a partner.
but more simply because no one but a deeply wonderful girl could ever love me for who I actually am.

I realize that, perhaps like many men, when I am angry, hurt, frustrated, or upset, the urge for catharsis often translates into a deep undercutting urge to destroy something. And, like so many people of my stripe and bent, some combination of principle and shame circumvents all other outlets until nothing is left to destroy except myself.

I have found that to me foreign languages often seem more expressive than my own, because the meanings of words lose their edge, become fuzzy, and imagination starts to peek through, filling the gaps of what unfamiliar words and sentences, turns of phrase, fail to denote, and a purer language, something closer to the heart, closer to essence and desire, rings out in my mind in a way that human-wrought languages could not.

a truly beautiful woman is, to me, like an earthquake. Years may pass and no tell or sign of what to come when without warning, Lo and behold, she has burst out of the pleasant monotony of ordinary life and left me trembling in the aftermath.

you know

how when you think a girls beautiful

you think, that everyone has to be staring at her

Jeff: yeah

me: like she's just shining with it

Jeff: oh yeah

me: so how could they not notice

Jeff: that's where

possessive bf's come from

me: lol

welll neways

on the plus side

Jeff: a perverted version of that

me: if in reality

she's just a normal cute/pretty girl

then.... maybe it really is important that someone tell her she's beautiful

when they think she's beautiful

u know?

cause i always think

Jeff: heck yeah

you should ALWAYS tell them

me: lol ok

Jeff: they're beautiful

unless they work for you

me: HA HA HA HA HA

Jeff: then that's called sexual harassment

me: HA HA HA HA

Jeff: I'M SERIOUS!

me: i'm posting this

on my private blog

just to remember

Jeff: hahahahahaha

remember the lesson i just taught you

Sent at 1:35 AM on Wednesday

there are times when i feel so alive it brings me to tears,

or maybe by so alive I merely mean grateful for every milisecond, every tenth of a milisecond, until i wonder if somewhere within me an infinitely precise counter or clock is ticking them off one by one, and if i am yet infinitely boundlessly alive in the moments between tick and tock

Children break my heart and rebuild it in an instant, every time.

loves "Avatar The Last Airbender" because it makes me laugh, feel like a kid, like life's adventure, makes me believe in love, friendship, family, idealism, that we can change the world, that everyone can change, cause everyone's human,, but at the same time feel the shadow of disillusionment, anger, practicality, reality, sadness, loneliness, alienation, loss, apathy, GOD what a show!!!!!!! and it's a kids cartoon!