at night I am taken by despair
throughout my life it's been like this
is it the women I adore, idolize, objects of impossible love?
is it humanity slowly killing the planet they depend on for everything?
is it Godlessness and the specter of mortality, the transience of all things?


there was a time when I was clinically depressed, and I learned to regularize my eating, sleeping, and exercise habits to flatten out the daily spikes of emotional bankruptcy.

maybe it's not such a bad idea to do that again.

or maybe it's what I come back to here in America. Things are just too easy here, so purposeless and questionable. I am at my best when in my imagined land of the suffering and the victimized, because there can I call upon myself to be brave, to be strong, to believe in things out of necessity, and to see the path to others, that we find solace in company and mutual support. In a land of plenty, what need have we for any but ourself?